Last night I went to see a tech rehearsal of the play my friend is directing. It is very funny. A sexual farce. I had a good time. But it also sent me into a spiral of self doubt. I know it was a tech but parts of it were messy and didn’t seem to get off the ground at all and it made me worry about the show I’m currently in. When you are deep inside the production sometimes you totally miss it’s most obvious flaws. And you start to wonder, am I believable? Am I trying too hard? Do I suck horribly and I just don’t notice?
We have had audiences of a sort with our rehearsal juries. But the people attending them are friendlies being acquaintances, friends, and family of people associated with the theater company. Not subscribers and other paying audience members.
I had the most horrible insomnia last night over the prospect of crashing and burning horrifically. Rethinking every choice I’ve made for every line I say. Wondering if I should read more Meisner or that will just make my deflated ego even more flat. I’m so tired at work today I can barely concentrate. And I have a full dress again tonight and then open tomorrow. I hope tonight’s run-through can help me regain my confidence.