Partial Nudity Envy and an Accent

March 7th will be my first read through for Bedroom Farce. There has been a casting shuffle that I'm not quite sure I understand. I was playing Kate, now Susannah. I was really attached to Kate. There are three scenes I really wanted to do. The first was the partial nudity scene. Well, I guess not really partial nudity but it was to be a scene that I played in a bra and jeans. That's my favorite sexy me outfit. There was a scene where Kate tells her husband that sometimes when they're having sex she thins and putting carpet in or what color they should paint the walls. I just thought that was hilarious. Now someone else gets to do it. And then there was the scene where Kate is lying in bed and the phone rings and she sends another character, Susannah, into a tizzy by telling her that her husband is at another woman's house. And she does it without waking up.

Susannah is the larger part but that really isn't the point. I just really liked Kate and got to know her. Plus the guys playing her husband is hot. I spoke with the woman that was playing Susannah, who is now playing Jan, and she is also not happy. If I can get my hands on the woman playing Kate now and find out how she feels maybe we could confront the director and see what we can do about getting ourselves recast yet again into our original roles.

Oh, and he just decided that we're doing English accents.

Eternity

You know that last class in high school the one that let you out of school at 2:07? And how 1:59 was the longest minute ever? Well, until 2:00. And the the clock managed to slow ever more than you could have imaged at 2:01 and by 2"06 you were sure that time had stopped? That's my eternity right now. My first rehearsal is on Thursday, April 10th. And every day seems longer than the last. I've read the book over and over again. I've read and thought as much as I can about my own part. But I can't prepare any further without driving myself into a characterization that I don't want to create before I meet the other characters in the setting. So I have to keeping waiting this eon that 10 days has become.

Who is Sammii?

We were finally able to have our table read for Proposals on Saturday. I’m even more excited about the show than I was before. The cast is great. Table reads are one of my favorite tools. It’s the first time I give a voice to the character. And even though I don’t have any idea yet who she is really and what it is she wants when I go just hearing the voices of the other characters gives me a pretty good idea of who she is and how she fits in by listening and knowing who she is not. It looks like its going to be a lot of fun.

My schedule in the beginning is unbelievably light. I can’t remember the last time I had such a small part. I am so excited it about it because with the light schedule I’ll have more time to do outside rehearsal thinking and development work. Usually I only have time to discover things in rehearsal because out of the studio all my time is spent learning the lines and doing some really cerebral work.

I already have some thoughts about Sammii. As someone who was trained as a dancer I always start with the physical attributes of the character. What she looks like. But, you ask, doesn’t she look like you? And the answer is no. In my head the character always looks like someone else entirely. I’ve told that to other actors and to directors and they always seem confused by that tactic. But I’m very used to looking at myself from the outside as though I do not inhabit my body except as a tool so why shouldn’t I feel that I am inhabiting a very different mantle? So back to Sammii. She is rounder than me. More cutesy. Like a Renee Zellweger. Wholesome. She is definitely blond. Very blond. She wears pastel make-up. Pink lipstick, pink round cheeks, pink sports length nails. She has blue eyes. She wears soft clothing. Chiffons and silks in pastels. Never black. Her favorite color is a very soft blue. She wears very high strappy heels. And small earrings. Her clothes would be conservative but everything is a shorter and a lower cut than a modest woman would wear.

So from that what do I think I know? She grew up in Alleman, Iowa population 239. She was a cheerleader and homecoming queen. She came to New York with the money she won for being the Corn Kernel Queen. She isn’t shy because she can’t imagine that anyone doesn’t like her. She has an image of herself in her head of always being in soft focus like her favorite movie stars. And she floats when she walks always slightly on the balls of her feet like she is going to start skipping at any moment. She flings herself into sexual relationships but isn’t serious about any of the men. They are pretty accessories. Like a nice purse and it makes her feel sophisticated to have the kind of relationships with men she could never have back home. She lives in a world where she stars in the film that is her life and the things she says are pithy dialog. She poses for the cameras she sees everywhere but is completely unselfconscious when not posing. She swings between child like and too too terribly chic.

Of course many of these images will change and evolve over time. And of course some are contradictory so as I work I’ll have to keep some and throw some away. But basically I’m starting with a sweet farm girl who is trying very hard to be Marilyn Monroe and falling short. I’m interested to see where that goes.

Highest of Highs. Lowest of Lows.

Saturday was by far the best performance of the show we did. We had a slightly overfull house because of the cancellation on Friday night and they were up, responsive and participatory. Everyone was wonderful and when I got up to do my testimony at the end of Act II it felt smooth, commanding, at ease. Act III had me engaged, choked up. I loved the play, every second of it. I loved the cast. I loved doing it. Not Guilty.

Sunday crashed and burned for me. It was the closing so I wanted to go out on a high note. It was going nicely, good pace. Not as spectacular as the night before but definitely a good solid show. Then in the middle of my Act II testimony M went blank. And not just blank but stunningly blank. Deer in the headlights blank. At first he just looked at me and then, then I saw panic set in. He ran to the defense table where there is a huge pile of copied pages of the script and began to frantically search for his place. I knew he was never going to find it. And there is nothing I can do. I can’t just start speaking. That won’t make any sense. Although, maybe I should to rescue the show. How can I reword this line to put us on track? He asks a question. Not the correct one but I can work with we go on…for three lines. But clearly he has lost the scene completely. He asks a question and it is so different that I am completely thrown I don’t have any idea what to do or where I am. At sea. So I just jump to the end of the scene in a desperate attempt to bring the character of Larry on so we can just move forward. When he comes on I am so riled so shaky that the break down has a more tension and charge than it ever has had before. So I got something out of it. A feeling of panic, fear, tension that I can remember and hopefully recreate when I need it. But I never fully recovered for Act III. Although it was alright, I should be affected, scared, sad, stressed so I used it to my full advantage. I let my fear and disappointment show. I let tears come close enough to fight them. And then it was over. I was guilty last night. But I found out later that our bailiff just decided I was. The vote was 8-4 in my favor, one of the lowest. It was usually 11-1, sometimes 10-2. I don’t blame him at all. We needed more than one loss.

Last night I felt hollow. I hate the end of a run. The sudden deflation. I thought this one would be easier having a script in hand but its not. I cried all through the Oscars. I cried this morning in the shower. I could cry any minute at work today. I always forget how hard it is for me to decompress. And this was by far one of the best experiences of my career so far. I loved every minute of this show. The cast was massive and they were wonderful despite any complaints I may have had along the way. A true ensemble piece.

Things I’ll miss:

Glaring at the jury.

K’s gum.

"Yeah that's the one! I see you got a hold of that too." Heck B's whole performance.

M.

“Then how can you speak of him such as you did? Don’t you know why he married you?”

Magda Svenson.

B as Junquist. One of the best actors I’ve ever worked with.

Testifying in Act III.

Sparring with the DA.

Not Guilty.

Snow Day

Tonight's show is canceled due to a parking ban. That blows because I only get so many shows and to miss even one is sad. And my Saturday morningtable read was rescheduled a week for the same reason.

Last night was much better than Wednesday. Much better. Although, there was an older gentleman and his hot skinny blond thing in the jury box and they were quite rude. Chatting and holding hands and by the end cuddling and making out. And then an older lady fell asleep. I don't blame her though. The audience dresses for winter and then they end up on stage in the jury box under the searingly hot lights. I can totally see how someone not accustomed to that would just fall asleep. It still isn't cool for the rest of the audience to see that. Well, two shows to go.

Pick-up Rehearsal

So last nights benefit performance sucked ass. It was a small non-responsive audience and a disjointed slow show. It was as though none of us cared. Everything that came out of my mouth last night sounded false. I was like a bad pick-up rehearsal with an audience. Wow. I can't even tell you how much that blew.

The Past, the Present, and the Future.

I am usually too tired to post after shows and then like a dream the performances all meld into one giant evening that becomes more and more vague as time goes on. But here I am trying to recall what happened. Thursday seems uneventful because I remember nothing about it. Friday I was guilty. I think there was jury tampering. H has never made it a secret that he wants my character to fry and the jury was just filled with actresses of his. Actresses that also seemed not to care for me. I don’t get that. But so it goes. Saturday was a good show. Very up.

And Sunday…well, Sunday I was on autopilot. I remember saying the words “A twenty-five million dollar loan was necessary…” and realizing oh my god I’m talking! How in the world did I get here? And that line is pretty far into my testimony. I had done at least two full pages before that point. Apparently, in the words of Christopher Walken, I act like a dancer. I can sometimes let go and act on muscle memory alone. Admittedly it will not be the freshest most engaging performance of my life but it’s more than just passable. Sundays are hard for me. I am always tired on the Sunday. If I didn’t have a fulltime job I would have no problems but I do and doing four or five shows a week if exhausting so by the Sunday I start to check out mentally. I was glad to hear that my inner exhaustion doesn’t show at all. Other actors were surprised to hear how disengaged I felt. How surreal the whole performance seemed to me.

Another long week starts for me tonight. A long week but the final week. A benefit performance tonight followed by our regular Thursday through Sunday schedule and a table read for Proposals on Saturday morning. I am so looking forward to Proposals. It’s really nice to have a script in hand and a next show date immediately following a close. It’s a small part but its sweet and potentially a show stealer.