I had a good rehearsal of Hearts last night. The kind where I come home and tell the husband “I was good tonight.” I like those. And I fucking hate them. Because now it means the next rehearsal I will feel horrified by my total lack of <fill in the blank> and flattened because I felt the last rehearsal went so well. It’s a familiar cycle. And I hear you say ‘But you just identified the problem so now you can just face that soul crushing experience and say hey, I know this is just a by product of being so elated that all of your flaws are super prominent.’ And I’ll say to you ‘You’d think so, wouldn’t you?’ And I think the problem is two fold. First, I’m not altogether sure that the ego whacking I’m going to take is a terrible thing. It keeps me humble which makes me work hard all the time and it allows me to see where I was over confident before. The things that weren’t as truly meaningful as I thought they were in the moment of that last rehearsal. And second, even when I prepare myself for all the wrong things that I think I’m going to see in myself next go round I always leave some stone unturned. And it’s always under that fucking stone that the horrible disgusting squishy thing is lurking that’s going to make me cry and want to run away.
But enough about me and my fragile ego. I want to gush about my cast for a bit. M was so good last night. She had a private rehearsal to go over her monologues on Saturday and you could definitely see the work. She really is very good as Grace. And I’ve become more and more impressed with J. When the sweet scare little boy comes out he’s just a wonder to watch. Although his accent sometimes sounds a little bit like Foghorn Leghorn to me. And G is great as the drunken overbearing Mama. I hope that I can live up to their standards. That I can be just as good and do the show justice.
Oh yeah. And the kiss between Grace and Chloe was taken out. Yeah. I’m sad too.